June 4th 2018 – Monday
I did it again. Exactly 105 days ago from when I let you guys all in on my secret. The dirty little sin I used to commit every single day…I did the exact same thing again. I forced myself to throw up every ounce of food that I’ve eaten today and I feel completely and utterly wrecked.
I don’t know why I keep doing this to myself. I don’t know how to stop anymore. I thought I had it under control. That I was better now and that I could move on from that part of my life.
But somehow, someway, I always end up coming back to it. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m so, so, so tired.
You know sometimes I wonder if I was destined for failure. If all the mishaps and problems were all just setting me up to my inevitable future as a loner.
Life’s tough, especially tough when you’re me. You guys constantly tell me it’ll get better, fuck I even tell that to myself but I swear, nothing ever changes. Its all the same.
It’s all the same.
It’s all the fucking same.