There is always an “end” in “friend”

(Turns out this is my 100th blog post…pretty cool right?)

Hey all,

So it’s like midnight and I have school again in the morning and I am kinda dreading it for the first time since the Maya days. But I guess things change don’t they?

So if you read my last post, right at the very beginning you. would have seen a little disclaimer letting you all know that I was pissed at Roxy. Yeah, I just thought that things would work itself out because with us that’s usually how things go.

Well, turns out the world had different plans this time. So…currently, I don’t really know what we are right now, Roxy and I. But what I do know is that in this current in time I don’t even really wanna talk to her OR see her…both of which are going to happen tomorrow…great(!)

So I’m guessing that none of you know what happened between me and her…because I didn’t tell any of you so why don’t I just tell you now?

Buckle in guys – it’s a LONG story…

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So as you guys know, Roxy is friends with the “drama kids”. You know, that’s perfectly fine by me, I mean, I can’t choose who she hangs out with or who she wants to make friends with BUT in my opinion…they are just not my crowd you know? They are just very…loud and rude and a bit disrespectful and honestly, it’s kind of embarrassing. I mean they aren’t…how should I say this…unpopular, but the fact that that have a lot of friends doesn’t take away from the fact that they are just plain insulting.

It also doesn’t help that whenever me and Roxy are together, they crowed over us and begin singing and shouting in the middle of the playground. Not to mention they leave me out. But I don’t care about that fact. The thing I care about is that Roxy won’t listen to me and show me respect.

Okay so about a month ago, I let Roxy know that I wasn’t a massive fan of her friends and I told her to keep them away from me. (LEMME CLARIFY WHAT I MEANT BY THIS BEFORE YOU GET ALL BUTTHURT – When I say “move them away from me’ I mean that whenever they go over to Roxy and me in the playground, she can either tell them to quiet down or she can go off with them and leave me by myself to my own peace and quiet.) I think it was the least I deserve given the fact that they always come to MY spot and they never even talk to me anyway.

So she agreed to this and I thought it would be the end of it right? WRONG.

Every time they come over, the same shit happens. She doesn’t go off with them and they don’t even quiet down..it’s just more dancing and singing and shit that annoys me.

So I created a policy. I wait 2 minutes and if they are still there and she hasn’t done ANYTHING at all except ignore me, I get up and leave to go and sit by myself. This is what has been happening for the last month and honestly I’d gotten a little bored of it.

Even though I leave to be on my own, I don’t end up on my own for a lot of time – usually Nadia or Lynn and the “cool kids” find me and I end up chilling with them. (oh sidebar – Roxy isn’t a massive fan of Nadia or Lynn and a few of her friends)

So yeah, day by day, I’ve been becoming increasingly more pissed at Roxy for just ignoring me everyday and then coming to school the next acting like everything was all fine.

So on Wednesday last week, surprise surprise, the drama kids came over and started talking to Roxy..yes Roxy ALONE. And once again she didn’t do ANYTHING, so I got up and left. As I was leaving to go sit on another bench, I heard Nadia calling my name and she ran up to me. I ended up chilling with her and her friends for the rest of lunch and it was really fun. Then the next day on Thursday, Roxy comes up to me and acts like it’s all cool again…

The skip to Thursday lunch – the SAME THING HAPPENS. So once again, I leave. But this is where things got interesting. As SOON as her friends left, she called me over like a fucking dog, telling me to come back and that she was all alone. COULD SHE NOT SEE ME SITTING BY MYSELF? That day I was just so pissed. It’s like I’m just second choice – a puppet that she can control on her own will. Well that’s not me. Not again.

So I ignored her. Yes I know it’s petty, but I was not going to be ‘the girl you spoke to when nobody else was there’ again. I’ve had enough of that shit to last a lifetime.

That day, Lynn ran over to me and that day I was particularly upset with what was happening with Roxy and Lynn could sense that I was sad (she’s very good with that type of stuff). She basically forced me to tell her what was up and she suggested we sort it out. She told me a lot of stuff that I’ve actually never heard before. She’s actually the first one who’s ever told me I have a bright future and it just made me feel a tonne better.

So by then, it was around the end of lunch and we had to go to our last lesson of the day which was double history. Now I gotta tell you 2 things before I continue –

1. Me and Roxy did everything together. It’s like wherever there was a Roxy, there was an Alex and the other way around.
2. There’s this bitch girl who loves to start drama and get involved in other peoples lives. Roxy just so happens to be friends with her. I hate the girl, but get this – she just HAD to be in my history class that day.

So yeah, the lesson when on as normal (I actually had my first college interview but thats’s for another day) anyway, when I got back, the bitch girl asked me why I wasn’t sitting with Roxy today at lunch. And guess what? My stupid ass decided to answer. I just said that I was kinda annoyed at her. Then she started asking why and Nadia and Vixen told her to stop pestering me. At the end of the lesson, Nadia and I walked around the school during our 10 min break between our extra maths lesson that day and I ended up telling her. I trust her a lot more and I know she wouldn’t break my trust.

So since I moved up to the top set in maths again quite a while ago (yes – you’re girl is smarter now dudes) I’m not in their maths class anymore. So after the lesson was over, I decided to go to the library. In the library I actually met up with Nadia again and she told me that in their maths lesson, she heard the bitch girl telling Roxy that I was pissed with her for no apparent reason…Dude where tf are boundaries because I think this girl needs to find them.

She had no right to get involved and tell her that I was pissed when I didn’t even get a chance to fucking do it myself I mean that’s just plain disrespectful.

I started freaking out in the library but then I just figured I would sort it out over the phone. I mean, why would she even listen to anything she has to say. If she trusted me, she would wait for me to talk to her first.

Well turns out I was wrong. I got home to a text from her saying that she heard I had a problem with her. First of all, this isn’t a fucking street brawl so I would have appreciated it if she had used proper English but I guess she didn’t think that though.

Anyway, we ended up having a massive argument an honestly I was so done at this point. She was being so cocky and big headed – calling them HERS or HER friends or saying that they come to HER…After seeing that, I honestly don’t even think it’s them, I think anybody with more than 5 people in their friendship group who talk to her make her happy because all she wants is a top up on her already overfilled cup of ego.

I don’t quite remember how and I can’t be bothered to check over my texts again but we eventually came to a mute point and she apologised. I accepted it although I had absolutely no intention of speaking to her first. Is it just me or don’t you think that the person who started the conflict should be the first one to resolve it? So I was not going to speak a word to her until she spoke to me first.

So the next day in school, I went in, she saw me and nope, nothing. At break? Nothing. We even sat on the same fucking lunch table and she didn’t say a fucking word. At this point I was as good as done.

So as soon as we got out of the lunch hall, she went to HER friends as she would say, and I went over to my bench only yo be greeted with Nadia and her friends. After lunch in the canteen, they could all tell something was up and that whole lunch consisted of a spokesperson for me (which I didn’t even know was happening) going to her and a spokesperson for her going to me and talking. Then Vixen came over and just asked me what was up, I mean, I just decided to tell her because I doubted we would be friends again. After I told her, she left and went back to Roxy and after a while, I saw her getting up and coming over to me.

She said that we needed to talk and the others “gave us some space to talk”. Roxy sat down next to me and started talking. I had said everything that I needed to say in the text messages last night so I don’t understand why she was repeating the same thing. The thing that blew my mind was the fact that she was still defending the girl who started everything. She said she was ‘just looking out for her’ and I’m sorry but that was the biggest pile of bullshit that I have ever heard. It didn’t take long for it to escalate to us shouting at each other, right there in the middle of the playground, everyone looking at us. I ended up getting up and trying my best to walk as calmly and quickly as I could to the toilets without the tears spilling out of my eyes.

Turns out it was pretty obvious because Nadia and Maddy (one of the cool kids) came running after me. I was having a panic attack. I couldn’t breath. When I ran into the toilets, I locked the door and started hyperventilating. Somehow, I still don’t know for the LIFE of me how, they managed to unlock the door and both of the came into the toilet with me and locked the door behind them. I guess they could sense that I was having a panic attack and then sat me down on the toilet and helped me through it. Maddy didn’t really know what had happened so I tried to tell her but it just came out as muffled cries. Nadia told her what was up and they both just hugged me till I stopped crying. By now we were late to our science lessons but they told me they didn’t care. They then told me that I didn’t need Roxy and that I could always hang out with them.

They then told me that if she didn’t text me that night, then that’s a sign to forget about her. So after about 15 minutes all three of us got out of the toilet (I’m guessing that looked pretty weird right?) and went to lesson. I had that class with Danny and Nadia so they tried their best to cheer me up the whole time and I have to say it worked like a charm. I guess they must know me pretty well.

So at the end of the day I got home and went to bed. I woke up at around 8pm and saw a bunch of texts from Maddy and Nadia and then a single one from Roxy

“Can we get though this?”

I didn’t know how to reply. I swear it felt like a fucking break up. I asked Maddy and Nadia for advice and I ended up saying that stuff like this is always going to happen if you don’t respect me. I can’t quite remember how the conversation ended but we both said what we needed to.

I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow, but I am in NO WAY looking forward to it.

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Sorry this was such a long post guys but I just had to get this all off of my chest.

Do you guys have any last minute advice or anything? That would be much appreciated.

I’ll update you guys on what happens tomorrow so look out for that.

I’ll see you soon,

Love,

Alex – The Awkward Expert🌺♥